Just another WordPress.com site

Posts tagged ‘daughter’

My Spirit is Broken

1 My spirit is broken, my days are cut short, the grave awaits me.” Job 17:1

Job has been through so much at this point in his story.  He lost every child, his home, his health, the respect of his friends and even the respect of his wife.  She couldn’t understand why he continued to trust God and even told him to curse God and die!

He finally said to his friends in frustration, hurt and disappointment,

“I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all! 3 Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing? 4 I also could speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you. 5 But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.: Job 16: 1-5

When we are in pain our friends can actually be the worst comforters as Job found out.  They all have their own interpretation of what is going on, of what God is up to in our lives or why we are in the circumstances we are in.

Don’t get me wrong, we need friends.  God made us relational beings; and not just to relate to Him but to other humans.  I think though Job’s experience shows us that when we are in a great period of suffering; especially one which makes absolutely no sense; God is the One we need to go to for answers.

Many families who experience eating disorders feel hurt, misunderstood, judged and betrayed by friends and family.  There is a lot to get wrong about eating disorders and most are not educated.  This means you either have to educate them if they are open to it or limit contact while helping your child recover.  Either way, you probably will feel very alone at times.

The first scripture in Job I referenced was Job 17:1, “My spirit is broken…”  When we are facing great hardship it may take time before we come to the end of ourselves and are finally willing to admit our spirits are broken.  That we have nothing left to give, nothing else to try and without God we and our situations are utterly without hope.

Even as I write this I believe I am on the precipice of admitting, accepting and believing I am broken.  The depression and lack of motivation is beyond my ability to conquer.  I have not wanted to submit and totally fall on my face helpless and broken before God.  I want to do something myself.  I am coming to believe I cannot and will not.

Will I get tired of trying on my own?  I hope so.  I hope I am as close to submission as I feel right now.  I pray in this moment I will lay the broken pieces of my mind, heart and spirit before God soon.  It is excruciating not to, yet I am learning how stubborn and hard-hearted I can be.

Forgive me Oh Lord.  Speed the brokenness, the softening, the submission I pray.  I cannot even do that by myself God.  I need You to do it.  Help me.

You may feel this way sometimes when it comes to laying your ill child down before God.  You know you need to stop feeling guilty, hurt, angry, afraid but you too feel afraid of being utterly dependent upon God and totally broken before Him.

We must trust that to be broken before God is the most beautiful place we can be in His eyes.  When Job stopped listening to his friends and started following his own heart…it led him right to the throne room of His God.

He and God had it out once and for all and Job submitted his smallness and neediness that he knew was there all along.  He just needed to say it all to God himself.  And God revealed Himself completely to Job in all His strength and glory.

And Job submitted and surrendered completely.  God responded with blessing upon blessing.  We have no guarantee of the blessings of wealth and  property as Job received.

But we are guaranteed all the strength and grace we need to persevere through anything God allows in our lives.  Let’s allow God to break and mend and re-mold us into who He wants us to be.

“Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me,

Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me.

Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me,

Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me.” (worship song)


Jesus Get’s Your Suffering

‘He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” 39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”‘
Jesus felt alone with His sorrow and trouble.  We know from the larger context of this scripture that His disciples could not stay awake to pray for Him.  You may feel alone too, like no one understands how much you need support and prayer.
It may feel like your friends and those closest to you are like the disciples…they just don’t get it.  The disciples didn’t get it and probably your friends don’t fully get how terrifying it is that your child is ill.  Also how difficult it is to re-feed your child and how much pain it is causing your whole family.

Remember Jesus does get it.  He went through suffering unto death and He turned to His Father even though He didn’t get the answer He hoped for…to not have to drink the cup of suffering unto death.  And He submitted His will to His Father’s.

So must we all; no matter our circumstances.  It’s okay to ask God to remove your child’s suffering and then whatever His answer, give your child and your family totally into the hands of your Father.

He is trustworthy and good.  He will be there when everyone else is going on with their lives.  His Word says He will never leave you or forsake you.