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Posts tagged ‘anorexia articles’

Am I Being Mean if I Expect My Anorexic Daughter Eat?

When you are re-feeding your daughter at home; there is nothing more important than the meal in front of her. What do I mean by that?  It means everything else gets put aside, postponed or re-scheduled until she has consumed what you put in front of her.

This may sound mean but it isn’t.  What is mean is to let your daughter starve.  And I know you are not a mean parent.

Let’s focus on the concern that you are being mean if you require your child to eat what you put in front her.  When your daughter has an eating disorder there is no medicine for her except food.  No medication exists that will help her eat more and gain weight.

The only thing that will help your ill child heal is to eat more food; whether she wants to or not.  It is difficult for parents to find a way to help their child eat when she starts crying or begging not to eat.  You don’t want her to be in pain or to suffer.

Some kids will cry and beg, others will get angry and abusive, and still others may become aggressive or threaten to engage in self-harming behaviors.  All of these reactions are the eating disorder trying to get you, her parents to back off and not make her take her medicine.

Please hear that if your child threatens self-harm or suicide you must take this seriously.  Remove any unsafe items from your home and monitor her closely.  Seek further professional help if you feel it is necessary or are unsure.

Even after these scary behaviors subside, she still has to eat.  There is no way around it.  She eventually needs to see that no matter what happens she will still have to eat. It is the only thing that will help her get well from this illness.

You will understand this way before she does; her medicine is food.  She needs you to understand this so ED doesn’t win.  One meal at a time, one bite at a time; you will have victory over ED.

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This information is not a substitute for consultation with health care professionals.  Each child’s health issues should be evaluated by a qualified professional.  Never read one article and try to implement what you read without much research and help; either from a coach or therapist.

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Do you want to learn more about eating disorders?

If so, download my free e-book “Eating Disorder Basics for Parents” here http://www.why-my-daughter.com/edb.html.

Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help theiradolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will help you figure out what kind of help you need and what you can do to help your child.

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Your Anorexic Daughter’s Desire for Wholeness is Reason for Hope

There are reasons for you to have hope if your adolescent has an eating disorder.

1) One reason is there is an effective treatment called The Maudsley Approach;

2) There is truth that replaces the lies of ED.

There is also a third reason:

The human spirit has a desire for wholeness
Before your child developed this illness she was probably full of life, vibrant, funny, creative, and outgoing. This is evidence of her spirit’s desire to live a full and healthy life.

Your challenge is to remember that this pre-eating disorder child is still in there somewhere. It doesn’t matter how far down under the deception of ED she is; the girl you knew is in there.

As difficult as it is; when this new frightened, confused and angry child shows up at the dinner table you have to remember this is not your child. It is the eating disorder rising up to bully, manipulate, and intimidate you so you will not make her eat.

She’s trying to fight her way out
You have to remember that whether you can see her or not, your little girl is doing the best she can to fight her way out. But she can’t do it without your help. ED is too strong, obnoxious, mean, loud and controlling for her to deal with by herself. She needs your help whether she knows it or admits it.

So when you have to “guess who’s coming to dinner,” be prepared for whoever shows up. Your child wants to get well and is crying out inside to be whole again. She just doesn’t know how to get there.

Never, ever forget that deep inside she wants more than anything to be whole and healthy.

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Do you want to learn more about eating disorders?

If so, download my free e-book “Eating Disorder Basics for Parents” here http://www.why-my-daughter.com/edb.html.

Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help their adolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will help you figure out what kind of help you need and what you can do to help your child.

Evaluating Your Relationship with ED (5)

I’ve been making an assumption that if you have an eating disorder you experience ambivalence (read last 4 posts).  As you know I have been researching this and I thought this might interest you as it does me.

I just read a study that asserts there are people who only feel ambivalence because someone they care about disagrees with them.  So let’s look generally at ambivalence (not focus on ED).  Frenk van Harreveld, 2008

For example you want to take a class at your local college.  As long as the people you care about agree that this is a positive thing, you will feel no ambivalence.  It is when someone you love disagrees that the ambivalence rises up.

What does that say about ambivalence with an eating disorder?  Am I wrong in saying that every person with an ED is ambivalent about whether or not they want to get better?

That ambivalence only occurs when people you love disagree with your eating disordered behavior?  What if everyone agreed with your ED behavior?  Would you feel ambivalent?  Or would you be grateful because you can now engage in ED behavior without interference; thus not ambivalent at all?

I have no answer to this…but would love your thoughts on it.  It is something to ponder.

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All that said, here is your last question as you evaluate your relationship with ED.  I am including all 5 in case you missed the other 4.

  1. How confused are you about your feelings for ED?
  2. How much did you think about or worry losing your independence by being involved with ED?
  3. How ambivalent or confused are you about continuing in your relationship with ED?
  4. To what extent do you feel ED demands too much time and attention?
  5. To what extent do you feel trapped or pressured to continue this relationship with ED? (Questions adapted from Braiker and Kelley’s Construct)

I would encourage you to write about these questions in your journal and talk to someone you trust about them.  It really helps to get all that is going on in your head on the outside.

I welcome your comments!

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Do you want to learn more about eating disorders?

If so, download my free e-book “Eating Disorder Basics for Parents” here: http://www.why-my-daughter.com/edb.html.

Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help their adolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will guide you through the treacherous waters of deciding what kind of help you need and what you, the parents need to do and can do to help your child.