Do you ever feel like your light is going dim? I know I have. I would say for the last 2 years I have struggled to keep my lamp lit at all; let alone allow it to burn brightly. Stress, grief, overwhelming emotional pain can cause our spiritual lamps to dim in ways we don’t even realize sometimes.
I can’t believe it has been 8 years since my dad’s suicide and yet I am still impacted deeply and probably in ways I don’t even see. Like the depression it is has caused, and the dimming of my light and life.
It not only affected me emotionally and spiritually; but also physically. I ended up having to take a sabbatical from work because I was having so many physical symptoms and issues. My relationships have also suffered as I turned inward and distanced myself from people I care about.
My dad’s suicide was like this hurricane that blasted its way through my life and left chaos and wreckage in its wake. I was so devastated I didn’t take down the wood I used to cover the windows of my heart and soul. I stayed locked up in the dark with my lamp barely burning long after the storm past. Though honestly I think I am still in the storm when I don’t even know it.
You might feel that way too as your family battles it’s way through your child’s eating disorder. You might wonder will this ever end…will my child ever recover…will my light ever shine again? Or is my family destined to live in this dark place forever?
Most of you have probably done better than I have in staying in the Word of God through your own personal hurricane. For the last 2 years I have not done a good job of that…but I am trying again to not only rejoin the world; but God and His Word as well.
I was reading today…
1 “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3 The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. 4 The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. 5 The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep. 6 “At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’ 7 “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.‘ NIV
…and I got to verse 8…especially the part about…”our lamps are going out…” and the Bible does what it does so well. God used it to speak to my heart and told me my lamp has been going out…has been very dim…for a while…for too long. And I need to do something about it. And all He wants me to do is be in His Word more…that’s it. For right now.
No big commitments, changes, promises…just a quiet whisper from Him…”Lynn, be in my Word more. I love you.” And I said, “Okay God, I can do that. One small step at a time.”
And my lamp seems a bit brighter tonight. And I am grateful God is patient, loving and kind. And that He waits for me.
How is your lamp burning right now? What does God want you to do to burn a little brighter? Even in the midst of the hurricane of the ED; God has some light to bring into your life. Let Him. I know I am trying to.
It may also be that God doesn’t want you to do anything except allow Him to hold and comfort you. That alone is at times a huge step for me…allowing myself to be comforted by God the way He longs to comfort me.
Your will be done God. Whatever You want for me in this moment; help me invite and embrace it.