The common theme of the last 3 blog posts has been ambivalence. One way of looking at this is you have a demon on one shoulder and an angel on the other. This is how Harriet Brown describes it in Brave Girl Eating.
It is like you have 2 different voices going on in your mind and you don’t know to whom to listen. One is your true voice (the angel) who wants to get better and the other voice (the devil) who wants to destroy you. The former speaks in soothing and encouraging tones and the latter spits out abusive and condemning words.
Most girls and women in the throes of an eating disorder are tormented by the devil thoughts and become exhausted metaphorically looking back and forth from shoulder to shoulder. That is what ED does as the eating disorder intensifies. He consumes more and more of your time, energy and focus.
My hope for this short series on ambivalence is to assist you in evaluating your relationship with ED. Each question helps you look at this relationship, how content you are in the relationship and what if anything do you want to do about it.
I’ve included the first 3 questions in case you missed the other blogs. I would encourage you to go back and read these, however, because there is valuable information about ambivalence.
- How confused are you about your feelings for ED?
- How much did you think about or worry losing your independence by being involved with ED?
- How ambivalent or confused are you about continuing in your relationship with ED?
- To what extent do you feel ED demands too much time and attention?
I would encourage you to journal about these questions and talk about them with someone you trust. I hope you find it helpful in your recovery process.
Do you want to learn more about eating disorders?
If so, download my free e-book “Eating Disorder Basics for Parents” here: http://www.why-my-daughter.com/edb.html.
Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help their adolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will guide you through the treacherous waters of deciding what kind of help you need and what you, the parents can do to help your child.